Habili-blog 4/27/18
“Let It Go ”
by Jared Mayes
Bonnie and Clyde are arguably one of the world’s most beloved couples. Their till death do us part attitude was incomparable to most modern-day couples over half of which end up divorced, if they even make it to the binds of marriage. But when we analyze their care for one another’s well being it’s pretty clear that they had no regard for each other. I hate to go clinician on everyone, but they were in a text book codependent relationship. Neither had the gumption to tell their other half that enough is enough and if they truly wanted a future together they would have to put an end to the madness. Drug addicts have a tendency to find themselves in these kinds of relationships because let’s face it, who doesn’t want someone of the opposite sex to cosign all of their bull shit while at the same fulfilling their primal need to fornicate. If you are or were a drug addict I need you to close your eyes right now and think of that one (or maybe several) relationship(s) that you had in your active addiction. I get it, the first thing you probably went to were the late nights of staying up all night doing what mammals do. Take away the sex and the drugs and see the relationship for what it was. Allowing each other to make decisions that could expedite that final real estate 6 feet under. Exploiting each other to get the coerced results; in other words… scoring dope. Or how bout lying, cheating, stealing etc. We all know the desperate times of pinching off the bag so that we can get just a wee bit more than our other half. What does that say for the love of our life that we defend till we’re blue in the face to our friends and our families that tell us to disengage. It’s easy to think that it’s us against the world and that we are the modern day Romeo and Juliet. That our forbidden love will conquer all of life’s hardships, but I think Romeo would even agree that you and your chronic lover need to work on yourselves before you go running down to the courthouse and get hitched. How romantic right? I know you’re muttering under your breathe at this point saying “This isn’t us, what we have is real!” I’m sorry but that is the selfish and immensely lonely individual who can’t stand the idea of being alone with the demon of addiction staring you in the eyes. So, here’s the good news. There’s a solution in this message. Figure out yourself. I’m not saying that if you’ve ever used drugs with someone, you must forget about any possibility of reconciliation, but you have to reconstruct your life and build a foundation for yourself before you can add on to it. You cannot build a house without that concrete base to keep it from sinking. It may be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do but you need to be alone for a while. Let that special someone go. If you truly have any hopes of ending up in a healthy relationship you must learn to stand on your own two feet without the crutch of a codependent other half. If they have any sort of desire to add some durability to the relationship they will understand. Don’t expect them to wait, It’s a set up for disaster. Don’t expect them to change, because what you want and what they do are two very different concepts. Last time I checked Ms. Cleo is locked up for fraud so there aren’t any fortune tellers who can show you the future so focus on the now. I hate to end on a cliché note, but if it’s meant to be it will find a way, if not there are plenty of fish in the sea.